Discomfort vs. Pain
Have you ever been in a situation where something just didn’t feel right? Maybe it was starting a new job, having a tough conversation with someone you care about, or trying a new hobby that pushed you out of your comfort zone. That nagging feeling—the one that makes you squirm or hesitate—is what I like to call discomfort. And believe it or not, discomfort is your secret ally.
But let’s be clear: discomfort is not the same as pain. As a therapist, I’ve seen how understanding the difference between these two sensations can change lives. Let’s talk about why discomfort is a friend and pain, while it has its place, is often a signal to pause and take care of yourself.
Discomfort Versus Pain: What’s the Difference?
Think of discomfort as that feeling of stretching—literally and figuratively. It’s like your muscles burning after a good workout. It’s hard, sure, but it’s tolerable. Discomfort whispers, “You’re growing.” Pain, on the other hand, is that sharp twist in your back when you lift something the wrong way. Pain screams, “Stop now, or you’ll hurt yourself further.”
Here’s a way to look at it:
Discomfort is temporary and leads to growth.
Pain is a signal that something might be wrong and needs attention.
The key is learning to tell the two apart. Discomfort challenges you; pain debilitates you. Discomfort nudges you toward change; pain demands rest and repair.
Why Discomfort is Essential for Growth
Imagine for a second that you never experienced discomfort. Would you have learned to ride a bike, give a presentation, or navigate a hard time in life? Probably not. Growth always lives on the other side of discomfort.
When I work with parents going through a divorce or trying to figure out how to co-parent, discomfort often shows up as uncertainty. There are no easy answers to questions like, “Am I doing the right thing for my kids?” or “How do I communicate with someone I’m struggling to even look at right now?”
That’s when I remind them: discomfort means you’re trying, you care, and you’re learning. It’s uncomfortable to try a new way of communicating, but it’s also the first step to creating a healthier relationship for the sake of your children.
When Pain Becomes a Problem
Now, let’s talk about pain. Pain is your body and mind’s way of saying, “Hey, something isn’t right here.” For example:
If the stress of co-parenting is keeping you awake at night, affecting your health, or leading to burnout, that’s pain.
If every interaction leaves you feeling hopeless or deeply hurt, that’s pain.
Ignoring pain doesn’t make it go away. In fact, it usually gets worse. Pain needs attention, whether it’s through rest, therapy, or asking for help. Pain demands care because it’s trying to protect you from harm.
Discomfort is the Path to Your Dreams
Here’s the magic of discomfort: it’s often the gateway to something amazing. Starting a new chapter in life is rarely easy, but it’s the discomfort of showing up, trying, and not knowing how things will turn out that makes success possible.
Starting that business you’ve always dreamed about? It’s going to be uncomfortable at first.
Learning how to co-parent with kindness and patience? Discomfort is part of the process.
Becoming the version of yourself you’ve always wanted to be? Yep, discomfort will be your companion.
The next time you feel that squirmy, uneasy feeling of discomfort, pause for a moment and ask yourself: What is this trying to teach me? Chances are, it’s nudging you toward something bigger and better.
A Final Thought
Discomfort isn’t the enemy. It’s the bridge between where you are now and where you want to be. Pain, on the other hand, is a red flag that you need to slow down and reassess. Both have their place in your life, but understanding which one you’re experiencing can help you make better choices and move forward with confidence.
So, embrace the discomfort. It’s not always fun, but it’s worth it. Growth, change, and even your dreams live just beyond it.
